agony....

Have you ever been in a state.......when life seems to be drowning you away...far from all of your anticipations..........when it becomes a predicament...

Like something is slipping away your grip....the harder you try..the more it slips..and what you can do only is to watch...you find yourself helpless...

Like.....your heart is being stabbed with knives....each time...you think of it....but still what all you can do...is..to recall it again..and again..coz thats what you are left with...

Something clutches...inside..you feel it near your throat...

when the fresh air ,each time you breath in.... intoxicates you more than before....when no color of life attracts you....no music relieves you....no word heals you....your very own hopes turn into the source of despair....you hate each and everything around....you run from things that have eased you anyhow....ever in life......the more beautiful the more poisonous...you start hating life passionately..far more ,than have you ever loved it....

You run from yourself....from your dreams once you had....you hate your own voice...your own thoughts....your own perceptions...your own smile....a tear roll down your cheek..,each time you come to mirror...you look into your eyes...deep within...stare..without making a single squint....asking many questions to yourself....but all remain unrequited.....

Nothing gives you pleasure..in this materialistic world...with each bite you take,each sip you have.....these days,you swallow one of your anxiety...

All the people smiling...seem to be the most stupid ones....as they still don't know what life is....as they too are living in mendacity of people,relationships....

Life becomes the whole of melancholy...nothing else....rain is no more pleasant....water doesn't drench you...sun doesn't heat you up....bed doesn't relax you.....

There is a burden on your heart....heavy...which you could feel ..each time you breathe...each time your heart beats...each time your eyes blink...each time your lips smile...it aches...but ,with time...it passes away...in the flow of tears...with these salty tears....

......and time comes...when there is no more mournings...nothing has left to you...within you...nothing in heart...nothing in mind...you feel your soul hollow...inside..

you become brusque....blunt......to each happening..............nothing affects you...good or bad...you don't smile...you don't frown...you don't cry...you don't beg......you don't complain...as you have become numb to all of these....

And this pain is doubled.....when you have to go out to your rut...you have to dressup daily in the same way you have been,for years....you have to work..smile..talk..laugh....even dance....you have to do all this to keep the people away from your agony....Coz you just can't share ....to anyone....coz it makes no difference at all...

you feel...suffocating.....