I took a turn and stood still...blank ..She kept her flow intact....finally "ah what happened?" askd ma'm.I simply smiled ...........hiding my embarrassment.She smiled back.I nodded and requested her to repeat from the beginning.
Where had I been in past 5 secs ...I had been in Heaven..realising the fact that yes finally am here.
I find myself in A big room with no of students....big and airy windows....a small low platform deewan bed with white sheet below one wall with a set of tabla on it .. today is my 5th class.Its like most thought...most dreamt day...a longing for years....has come to an end... am living it...loving it...at the same time.
"ta thei thei tatt aa thei thei tatt...trigda dig dig thei. trigda dig dig thei...trigda dig dig thei.." like many sounds continuously goes into my ears..and I find myself concentrating on each word of hers....repeatedly doing something...patting my feet in sync with her voice...folding my fingers in some beautiful manner ..my hands freely flowing in out in air...making some postures...bending a lil..right..left...my head shakes a lil with each movement of my hands....my eyes too....taking turns..rounds..in between..single or triplets.
I forget office...I forget home...I forget myself.....I forget almost everything....for that 1 hour.
Dance has been my childhood passion...I have always been fantasizing about performing in some classical dance concert on stage....I like those apparels classical dancers wear ...the whole set up..stage..light..sound...expressions....and the aura.They are always epitome of our traditional,historical wealth.It carries beauty and grace...sensations and depth.Elegance.some story....or message..It reaches up to somewhere inside.
When I was small kid I wanted to do lot of things,like to play piano...to take classical dance tuition...to join some sketching class....to do yoga class....but I cudnt do all that....most I cud do , took part in each n every cultural fest used to happen in school..or college..each time I got to know about any dance/ art competition..I use to try my best to take part..getting permission from parents,asking for form fee,arrangements for makeup n all.
Being from a joint family of 12-13people..n only girl among 5 brothers..I had been kind of invisible in family....no one actually cared much then..what I like what not...mmy was d only one.
Today recalling all those things.. fills me with nice feeling.
Belonging to a family where if a girl child is good in studies ,she's supposed to be a meritorious Doc or Engineer else to get married at 22 with some "rich "only" son" and have kids..as simple as that.Fortunately or unfortunately...I dint fall typically in any of the categories...being good enough in studies I had an inclination towards arts n music...arts means any art.
I am learning to play guitar too..its fun...pores of my left hand fingers..are so rough now...pressing the chords...am playing "every night in my dreams I see you I feel you-titanic" these days.
Going to institute is something I wait for...Reaching home after work in evening ..taking tea..I rush to be there.Aur mmy ka roz ka dialog.."thak gayi ho toh rehne do na aaj..mat jao" :P For her, me joining "kathak" classes at this point of time is "not a poonam type-o" thing.
It actually wasn't easy ...It took me almost two years ...gathering the courage to go and take admission in institute..each time I use to think of it..I was set aback.. by some fears.. some unknown fears.But....we often forget that there will be no "single" day when all the things will be in place...when you will be having everyhting you desire.......when you will hav e all the leisure and no commitments to fulfill........... when life wud be perfect.Its now or never........And I had forgotten this.Thanks to one special person....who made this happen.
I get to know the value of doing..................what I like to do.
It fills me with pleasure...and contentment.It makes me feel...a bit more complete.
:)
Where had I been in past 5 secs ...I had been in Heaven..realising the fact that yes finally am here.
I find myself in A big room with no of students....big and airy windows....a small low platform deewan bed with white sheet below one wall with a set of tabla on it .. today is my 5th class.Its like most thought...most dreamt day...a longing for years....has come to an end... am living it...loving it...at the same time.
"ta thei thei tatt aa thei thei tatt...trigda dig dig thei. trigda dig dig thei...trigda dig dig thei.." like many sounds continuously goes into my ears..and I find myself concentrating on each word of hers....repeatedly doing something...patting my feet in sync with her voice...folding my fingers in some beautiful manner ..my hands freely flowing in out in air...making some postures...bending a lil..right..left...my head shakes a lil with each movement of my hands....my eyes too....taking turns..rounds..in between..single or triplets.
I forget office...I forget home...I forget myself.....I forget almost everything....for that 1 hour.
When I was small kid I wanted to do lot of things,like to play piano...to take classical dance tuition...to join some sketching class....to do yoga class....but I cudnt do all that....most I cud do , took part in each n every cultural fest used to happen in school..or college..each time I got to know about any dance/ art competition..I use to try my best to take part..getting permission from parents,asking for form fee,arrangements for makeup n all.
Being from a joint family of 12-13people..n only girl among 5 brothers..I had been kind of invisible in family....no one actually cared much then..what I like what not...mmy was d only one.
- I remember one incident,........I was in class 5th I think...and next day morning, I had to perform on a "Vandana"(prayer song) in college function for which I needed a yellow south silk saree with golden border...and Gazra'(a flower garland Indian women use as ornament.) Saree was no issue...generally gazra could be seen at flower stalls near temples...but that evening I cudn't find it anywhere,searched number of temples and shops.And It was assumed to be one necessary thing for Vandana performance.I was so sad....with the thought that I will be performing without gazra.Late night I found mmy doing something with white non-transparent plastic carry bags and scissors.I sat there...looking carefully.....kept on watching her what she's up to.She cut them in rectangular size slips and then trimmed its left n right edges leaving it look like a comb at both sides.then she woven them into a thread using needle ,rotating it multiple times and artificial shiny gazra was ready.Taking measurements....She made two for each of my hands round like bangles, two for ankles like anklets,one long for neck like garland and one for hair.I took them into my hands....watched them for long..I was amazed....thinking what an idea she had.That was the first day I got to know how indigenous my mom is.Am proud of her.
She always have a solution to my problems.
- One more incident..I remember....was in 4th.I had short hairs,"boycut"....so I had to fix one long artificial plaits of hair putting lots of pins in head in each dance performance.During one of such performances...I was wearing red lehnga,bangles and all....I shook and took a round....Suddenly I felt my head lighter...as soon as I sensed..saw my plait lying at distance on stage....I got stunned...cud felt my ears turning hot....in that single second heard mom's voice "poonam don't stop don't stop.." Though...I cudnt locate her in those colorful flash lights.....but I managed the moment and dint stop.Finishing my performance..when stage got darker....I picked up my plait(choti) and ran from the stage and prayed harder to God that no one wud have noticed my poor luck.Later prize distribution started ...consolation prizes were given....then Third,Second and finally First prize was announced.....and my name was nowhere.My heart was sinking.....I had my eyes full of tears...vision got blurred...heard anchor telling the audience about some "special prize" they had started from that year..and my name was called out....I rubbed my eyes,wiped up cheeks...rushed to stage... and that day I got to know what does "seventh heaven" mean.Though I cud manage to won special prize ,reaching home I cried and cried my heart full...blaming mmy for keeping my hairs so short ..and making me victim of embarrassment on stage. We decided that she wont cut my hairs from then onwards.And later I became the girl with longest hairs among my classmates.But people who know this incident..still make fun of me. :(
Today recalling all those things.. fills me with nice feeling.
Belonging to a family where if a girl child is good in studies ,she's supposed to be a meritorious Doc or Engineer else to get married at 22 with some "rich "only" son" and have kids..as simple as that.Fortunately or unfortunately...I dint fall typically in any of the categories...being good enough in studies I had an inclination towards arts n music...arts means any art.
- I liked playing with pencils or colors on paper...giving it some shape..some meaning...colors attract me naturally...beauty attracts me..nature attracts me.
- I like to read ...sitting in serene silence..lonely.. near a window and lost in a book....is the best way I like to spend my leisure... though I don't find this peace often now.
- I like to write...pen down thoughts,dreams,observations,perceptions,experiences...and discuss with like/different minded people.
- Music......old songs..gazals..spiritual songs..I like the beats..sound of guitar..or flute..tabla..instruments having a soft n soothing tone...
I am learning to play guitar too..its fun...pores of my left hand fingers..are so rough now...pressing the chords...am playing "every night in my dreams I see you I feel you-titanic" these days.
Going to institute is something I wait for...Reaching home after work in evening ..taking tea..I rush to be there.Aur mmy ka roz ka dialog.."thak gayi ho toh rehne do na aaj..mat jao" :P For her, me joining "kathak" classes at this point of time is "not a poonam type-o" thing.
It actually wasn't easy ...It took me almost two years ...gathering the courage to go and take admission in institute..each time I use to think of it..I was set aback.. by some fears.. some unknown fears.But....we often forget that there will be no "single" day when all the things will be in place...when you will be having everyhting you desire.......when you will hav e all the leisure and no commitments to fulfill........... when life wud be perfect.Its now or never........And I had forgotten this.Thanks to one special person....who made this happen.
I get to know the value of doing..................what I like to do.
It fills me with pleasure...and contentment.It makes me feel...a bit more complete.
:)
